BIBLE TRIVIA JOKES

STORY OF ELIJAH
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times "Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"
A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know! I know!" she said, "To make the gravy!"



The Ten Commandments Tennessee Style:

(1) Just one God
(2) Put nothin' before God
(3) Watch yer mouth
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
(5) Honor yer Ma & Pa
(6) No killin'
(7) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal
(8) Don't take what ain't yers
(9) No tellin' tales or gossipin'
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff

Biblical Codes

A pastor decides to visit some of his flock on a Saturday afternoon. He knocks at a door. Her thinks he hears someone inside but no one comes to the door. The pastor takes out a business card and writes on it Rev 3:20 which says, "I stand at the door and knock if you but open the door I will come in and eat with you and you with me."

On Sunday his card appears in the collection plate on it is written Gen 3:10 that says, " I heard your voice from the garden but I was afraid I was naked and I hid myself."

Leroy Schwab, Pacific Grove




More Bible Trivia

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
A. Honda--because the apostles were all in one Accord.
A. 2 Cor. 48 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen Beetle: "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."



Where in the bible do we find the Lord doing house cleaning?

"Jesus swept"


How do you know that Jesus is Irish?

From his last name --- Jesus O' Nazareth.




What kind of lights did Noah use on the ark? Flood lights.
What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christ-ler.



Where did Bathsheba get her name? King David saw her when she was taking a bath.



When the ark came to rest on Mt. Ararat the occupants were more than ready to leave. Noah made one last sweep and found a despondent snake in the hold.--"Why are you sad and why haven't you left?" asked Noah.--"Because I'm so inadequate" replied the snake.--"Inadequate?" queried Noah.--"Yes" continued the snake, "The Lord commanded that we go forth and MULTIPLY and I'm an ADDER." (by David Palmer)




Did you know baseball is mentioned in the Bible? Genesis "In the big inning"



One-liners:

A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.
To be almost saved is to be totally lost.
When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for
duty.
Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory
position.
Coincidences happen when God chooses to remain anonymous.
If God is your co-pilot - swap seats.




When God Sends People...They Make Excuses:

Abraham was too old.
Moses stuttered.
Miriam was a gossip.
Jacob was a liar.
Gideon doubted.
Elijah was burned out.
First David's armor didn't fit, then he had an affair, and had
someone killed.
Solomon was too rich.
Isaiah had unclean lips.
Jeremiah was too young.
Jonah didn't like the job.
Amos's only training was in the school of fig-tree pruning.
Naomi was a widow.
Peter was afraid of death.
Thomas was from Missouri (the "show-me" state)
Paul was a murderer.
Mark was rejected by Paul.
Timothy had ulcers.
Lazarus was dead.
Martha was a worry-wart.

...or so they claimed, before God's Spirit empowered them to rise to the occasion and become some of the greatest heroes of our faith.




What US state is mentioned in the bible?
Answer: Arkansaw. "Noah looked out of the ark and saw..."



Old Baseball Bible Song (my grandmother taught me):

Eve stole first, Adam stole second,
St. Peter umpired (empired) the game,
Rebecca went to the well with the pitcher,
Ruth in the field won fame.

Goliath was struck out by David,
And a base hit made on Abel by Cain,
The prodigal son made one home run,
Brother Noah gave out checks for the rain.

Indiana Jane




How many animals did Moses take on the Ark? None. Moses didn't go on the ark, Naoh did.